Sheer terror

 I did not know true fear until I had to lose you, till I watched you dance with the other world as I lost my breath in utter panic. The fear I knew prior to this was a test, a stir in the waters, to feel the pressure I could carry.

The extent which my feet could hold me up. 

So When Day came, all I knew was the terror of your possible disappearance which had sunken a knife deep in my heart.  

I watched you smile,  as my heart ripped even further,  I watched what I perceived as your mask, grow bigger,  yet all I knew was the terror of that which was imminent, yet far.

I had not felt such panic until I saw what I thought impossible brush my sight.  so When I closed my eyes, all I saw was all I could never imagine play out in front of me, Here I felt insanity I never thought possible, chaos unbridled , fear untamed.  

So I prayed, in all the ways I knew, I prayed to the heavens, to God,  that if he were to take a soul, he should take mine. If he were to punish someone, he should let the cross be upon me.

I called unto death,  if he wanted a partner he could frolic with me, I was a willing vessel.  I begged all that which commanded worship and I made a vow that for all you had to suffer, I would suffer on your behalf in all the intensity, After all I already had this fear, what could be worse than It.

The Connoisseur